First of all I should apologise for my poor attention to this blog but as previously stated, procrastination is a great talent of mine.
So onto the rambling: I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Not of the romantic kind, just relationships in general. Family relationships in particular if I’m honest. I strongly believe that family should avoid not talking to each other because it often leads to regret. However, things aren’t always that simple. Relationships are complicated and the way forward isn’t always clear. I am currently struggling with a decision in relation to this. Is it worth holding a grudge? I’m leaning towards no. Forgiveness may not always be possible, nor is it easy to forget. Moving on, on the other hand, can be accomplished with the right mindset. A family member said at Christmas, “Life is as complicated as you make it.” These words have stuck with me and I aspire to live by them. My choices will determine my life and which are the right ones can only be determined by me. This leads me to another thought process which occurred last night when a close friend of mine mentioned the words ‘identity crisis’. I have had one before, and in fact am going through one right now, but I’ll get through it. I must get through it. Because I realised that if you don’t get that right, what hope do you have? An old teacher of mine once said that “The only you can be sure truly exists in your reality is yourself”-so if you can’t be at peace with yourself, how can you get through life? No matter what happens, you will have yourself. I will have myself. That is a comforting thought. Oh I am very rambly (I’m going to pretend that’s a word) today. Another thought process has just struck, one that visits me regularly, about death. I am terrified of death, probably because as I just said, if I have nothing else, at least I have myself. So the idea of not existing terrifies me, especially as I don’t believe in life after death. I try not to think about all that too much though. Deeply upsetting, and really, not worth worrying about. I must try to enjoy life while I can. That’s what I tell myself, though it’s easy to forget…
So onto the rambling: I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Not of the romantic kind, just relationships in general. Family relationships in particular if I’m honest. I strongly believe that family should avoid not talking to each other because it often leads to regret. However, things aren’t always that simple. Relationships are complicated and the way forward isn’t always clear. I am currently struggling with a decision in relation to this. Is it worth holding a grudge? I’m leaning towards no. Forgiveness may not always be possible, nor is it easy to forget. Moving on, on the other hand, can be accomplished with the right mindset. A family member said at Christmas, “Life is as complicated as you make it.” These words have stuck with me and I aspire to live by them. My choices will determine my life and which are the right ones can only be determined by me. This leads me to another thought process which occurred last night when a close friend of mine mentioned the words ‘identity crisis’. I have had one before, and in fact am going through one right now, but I’ll get through it. I must get through it. Because I realised that if you don’t get that right, what hope do you have? An old teacher of mine once said that “The only you can be sure truly exists in your reality is yourself”-so if you can’t be at peace with yourself, how can you get through life? No matter what happens, you will have yourself. I will have myself. That is a comforting thought. Oh I am very rambly (I’m going to pretend that’s a word) today. Another thought process has just struck, one that visits me regularly, about death. I am terrified of death, probably because as I just said, if I have nothing else, at least I have myself. So the idea of not existing terrifies me, especially as I don’t believe in life after death. I try not to think about all that too much though. Deeply upsetting, and really, not worth worrying about. I must try to enjoy life while I can. That’s what I tell myself, though it’s easy to forget…
Anyway going back to relationships, I just wanted to express a thought for all my friends, past and present. I’ve been thinking about them tonight. Whether they are still my friends or not, it is worth mentioning that at some point, they have all meant the world to me (even if they don't now) and in some way they have made me who I am today. The old ones who are still my friends, will continue to be I am sure, for they are truly the great ones. Others who are fairly new may not stay in my life, but they will stay with me. Just as old ones who I have lost contact with for no particular reason will. I may even come back to you at some point, for nostalgic reasons, because I cannot forget how much you once meant to me, and so will always mean to me. I'm not sure any of that made sense. Rambling over.
